Friday, August 14, 2009

Life is pain, Highness!

...Anyone who says differently is selling something.  (name that movie for a giveaway!) Ahem, I don't have giveaways yet. But a girl can dream.

So for those of you playing along, I apologize for not posting in a while. I've mentioned my slap-down from the PPD fairy more than once, and yes, that sparkly little beeyatch got a hold of me and swung me around by my hair a bit in recent times. It's a strange phenom to one moment be a normal person mildly annoyed by the incessant gardening that goes on in my neighborhood and the next...

Quick digression: By gardening I don't mean harvesting string beans and red-leaf lettuce, by gardening I mean the horrific buzzing created when those pick-up trucks arrive with 14 leaf blowers and tiny men to drive all crap into the air and into our house. I literally run around closing the windows to protect my surfaces 'cause lawd knows I'm not going to dust.

Ok we're back...moment I'm a weeping wonder with not a hope in the world for a better time. It's a freak show of "we're all going to die, not even Obama can save us, why did we bring a child into this awful world, and why do I suck so bad as a Momma". I know Brooke Shields and others have written about this terrible affliction, but let me just add my voice to the din and say this. Holy Kee-rap it Sucks Ass. Truly.

So I am writing from a new land. It's a little bit better. But then last night happened. The cute hubbers offered to put the boy down while I wandered off to a WIF meeting. I recently directed two PSA's for those lovely womens, and a fun fact is that one of them is nominated for an Emmy. Touch me, right? Let's be clear, it's a local LA Emmy, so I'm not going to hang out with Liz Lemon and other such celeb. But it's still pretty cool. So I went to you know, network and stuff at the meeting and he bravely stayed here for the Italian Opera which what we affectionately call the putting-the-boy-down process.

Apparently our little opera star wasn't having it as he has come to expect a large intake of milk and delivered in that special way that well, only the Momma's got. Sure he takes a bottle people! We didn't f that up at least. But sadly I've made the fatal mistake of having the sleep association run by the aforementioned delivery. Okay, I'll say it. I nurse him to sleep and yep, it's by the book wrong, I know. I know! Go ahead and feel free to tell me again, but I know. So god bless hubs, last night turned into two hours of inconsolable wailing. When I got home the baybee had just gone to sleep, apparently just flopped onto Dad's chest from the pure exhaustion of singing the No Momma Blues.
 picture featured: father's day 2009. Back when sleep was easy...

Oh man.  That was me, just trying to be a networking chic. Looking down the chute for another gig to feed this little machine we've got running here. And what do I get? An email letting me know that putting down the baby with out me is not an option, and that the pain was too much to bear. I know that married people probably shouldn't discuss really important shit via email, but, we did. I emailed him back the quote that opened this post which was preceded by...

You mock my pain!

And by that I wanted him to know I wasn't mocking his pain, or the boy's. I'm just flailing around here trying to find a way, some way to make this all work. And I agree, it's painful at times.

But my current angst is that my boobs and I are probably not going to be attending the Emmy ceremony. Damn.


  1. Mamas don't have the option of saying certain pains are too much to bear. I say this not to rag on your ADORABLE husband, but to point out that there's something "ultimate" about the mama role with newborns. I don't get to have my husband bail me out during the day so I've had to learn to take care of all her needs on my own. My husband rarely parents when I'm not also around (even if I happen to be curled up in front of the TV swilling wine) so he always has someone to bail him out or at least consult. This difference has been formative for our coping mechanisms and sometimes that frustrates me.

  2. for shizzle ms JJ, you said it. good or bad, the momma is IT. and boobs be damned, but not really. In a fun twist of fate hubs got him down last night when I couldn't. (I was withholding nursing to my defense) but it's good news, he might be feeling brave again...

  3. i've been nursing felix to sleep for 8.5 months. i worry that we'll be screwed down the road, but it works so wonderfully and peacefully right now. i don't want to stop. i love the last feeding of the day the most of all. having your babe fall asleep in your arms is one of the greatest things ever!