Saturday, February 13, 2010


I feel so trite saying this, but here I go. I too want to go for the gold, only I don't want the round disk that all of those folks up in Canada are after - I'm more interested in that shapely hottie they call Oscar.

I think I've been too embarrassed to say it, especially as a resident of Los Angeles. It's just so obvious. And the Academy Awards are so. You know. Such a swell of pretension and glitz and comon' tell the truth actual awesomeness but they certainly have been known to roll around in a stinky pile of lameness. Like the King of World moment. Ugh.

But I'm going to out myself here. I want Gold - and it's on my five year plan dammit.

I'm excited that Kathryn Bigelow might beat James Cameron this year, making Oscar history by being the first woman director to win. I say hells ya. Or, actually? It would be okay with me if I was the first. Sometime in the next five years.

Sometimes I get annoyed with the fact that I've been dicking around doing other for so many years when I know that my true dream is to direct features. I feel lucky that I've been able to carve out a living doing what I love - I mean - that's kinda bitchin'. But, you know what? I've been really beating around the bush....

For fun - let's look back down the road full of bushes, shall we?

Corporate vids - Big fun! Nice money. Lots of control over the creative! A product that only makes sense to a tiny segment of the population. I know, I know, I've already subjected you to some of it here.

TV Ad's - Big fun with someone else's big money! A perceived sense of control! Lots of people talking in your ear. And a product that's reallllly short. But seen! Sometimes salesy and lame. But. Fun! Be subjected here.

Here is one of my favorite commercials that I've directed: 

Short Films - Not so much on the money. But so, so much closer to the prize. A narrative. Actors. Creating a world. Hard ass work. Nice reward when we go to Sundance. (hello Secret)

Viral Vids - No money at first. Some fun. Some success. Later on, perhaps some money. Need to see some?

The reason I'm going ON about my career (or whatever it is) tonight is that I'm in a reflective mood after watching something super fawking cool happen. One of my BFF's from Seattle just walked with her Olympian husband in the opening ceremony.  He was the guy waving the flag for Peru. He and my girlfriend met on the internet and fell in love long distance about six years ago. I remember I was one of her only friends who wasn't going, "Are you nuts? Some dude from South America? From the internets?" Not me. Being a fate-lovin' ridiculous romantic who had just a few years before met her hubs on a plane...I was cheering for her instant messaging love. 

And now they are hanging out in Olympic Village with their adorable two year old and preparing for the race of a lifetime. What about it?

It's just so amazing to see a dream of that magnitude come to fruition. So inspiring. So fantastic. So like me going to the podium and trying not to trip on my fancy-ass dress when I accept my Oscar. Don't you think? I mean I've been mentally prepping for that moment for a long damn time. In fact when I went to film school I would go on my nightly runs through Balboa park, pictured to the right. And as I would run on this road toward the fountain with the sky going through it's pastel wonderland into black, I would accept my Oscar. Pumping my legs with my eye on the shooting water I would thank my peeps, crack a great joke, stand to the left to show my good side,  and then give a shout out to my Dad on the other side. For the record? This was in the mid 90's. I, like Oprah, was practicing the Secret long before the australian home-chic made that cheesy movie. Of course Oprah seems to be better at it.

I have to say, I miss the Hollywood YMCA. I used to run on the treadmill there before Mamahood. I'd always choose the machine that looked right into a blank wall which must appeared to be an odd choice because that wall was maddening, like two feet away. But I loved it, it was perfect for projecting a fantastic future onto. I would replay that moment, that dream moment - me, dress, moderate heels 'cause I suck at walking in them, and the feeling of 'dream come true'. So if there is anything to that Secret madness, I've certainly put in some time.

Hmm. Guess I better go back to my bookshelf filled with manifestation books. Here are two of my faves:

So hang with me people, I think it's going to work. Tonight as I watched the faces of people I love and adore march across my television, I thought.


 I can do it too.

With big dreams and big bags under my eyes to match,

PS - Please cast your ballot about Movie monday, I know we're all watching the Olympics but I'll blather on about a movie anyway...

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Away We Go

I am going through this.
Other friends I know are going through this.
Some have already left town.
Others are seriously considering it.

For me the question is: To LA with bay-bee or NOT to LA with bay-bee soon to be preschooler with a college tuition size price tag and then public school lets hope he can read kid and then not long after a tagging teen, maybe he's got talent? Of course you fervently pray that he's not a gang banger with jeans around his butt crack but realistically how do you prevent that when your neighborhood is filled with gang bangers? 

So needless to say I found the movie about the couple trying to figure out where to move to raise their kid to be incredibly relevant.

This movie is such a great mediation on these oh-so-critical questions: How best to do this? Where do we want to raise our family? What are the questions we ask in order to make such a huge decision?

I need to share that I had two distinctly different experiences at two different times watching this film. Which is one of the reasons I think I have been jumping up and down and wanting to talk about it. (I left the poll up over there so you can see how ridiculous I am.)

Take 1: Tried to go to a Mommy and Me movie when BHB was like 5 weeks old. They had the wrong time on their website so a bunch of us stroller pushin' wide-eyed sleep deprived Momma's pulled up to find out the movie had started 1/2 hour before. Some shrugged and wandered into the dark room with their hands already in a giant barrel of popcorn. Myself and several other Momma's were too indignant about our movie going experience and choose something else. I choose this movie. Only trouble is, it wasn't a Mommy and Me screening which meant no-one was going to think it was even remotely okay for me to a) have the tiny boy in there b) hear from him c) be willing to turn down the DAMN loud soundtrack. 

He was great through the previews. He was lovely through the first two minutes. He grabbed a little milksnack in the darkness, so far so good. About minute 3 the discontent began and so my ping pong match of going in and out and bouncing and lurking close by to try to watch and then if not watch listen while I change a diaper on the slanted carpet ramp leading into the theatre and this was my experience:

me: I hate this movie. It's so fake-ee and over played and why is the acting so giant and unrealistic and ugh. This is stupid. 

I left after about 20 minutes having spent approximately 5 in front of the screen.  I was unimpressed.

Take 2: My dear friend babysat for us about a month or so ago - oh wait, yea. On New Years Eve, god bless her right? BHB snored and she watched her some pay-per-view (the least we could do, right?). She rented this movie while we were away. When she told me I thought... 

me: Ugh. 

But oh well, right? We've got it for 24 more hours to watch it so we should check it out. And then. 

I loved it! From the first frame. I thought it was in fact entirely enchanting. Hilarious. Poignant and sweet. Basically the exact movie I wanted to see then and have several times been tempted to thrown down 6 bucks on the PPV to see it again. 

The two leads were delightful. I don't watch The Office, so I don't know John Kraniski from Adam, especially due to the giant beard, but it was nice because I wasn't taken out of the movie by his known-ness. Maya Rudulph is adorable, I don't know how else to say it. Adorable even in the fake belly, just so present and available to the high wire of emotions that the pregnant ladies waddle across. I did anyway. 

Even though I've claimed before I have a real need for plot, this isn't a big plot-ee film. But it unfolds beautifully and you know Sam Mendes ain't no slacker in the directing department. I'm a big fan of the way he creates moments. Like the plastic bag moment in American Beauty. Or about 14 million others in that movie, how about Annette Bening in the driving around suburbia singing her heart out? He does the same thing here, he gives us these still snapshots that breathe and resonate. The two of them sitting out by the pool discussing pregnancy weight gain. The way he was unspooling their future in the end frame. I'm avoiding having to do a spoiler alert here, I'm just speaking in weird vague ways, I hope that's working for you. If you've seen it, you understand. If not, perhaps this will make you plunk down a few bucks or click it on up on your Netflix Que. I definitely recommend it.

Of course I have to give a shout out to the most hilarious, memorable moment in recent movie memory -  the stroller scene. The character that Maggie Gyllenhaal plays is so perfectly ridiculous, so hilariously extreme in her attachment parenting rant...I just about peed my pants laughing. You know that peeing laughter when you know you are laughing at yourself? Yea, that one.

'Cause for reals I was a total Moby wearing graduate to Ergo sportin' Momma. Still am. The first time I put him in a stroller (recently) I was like oooh noo! I can't see him! He can't see me! What  am I doing!? This is unconscionable! But, for the record, I am over it. And I quote the movie alot. 

In fact, let's bust out a *Spoiler Alert*

For one line. It's so brilliant:

"I Love my babies! Why would I want to PUSH them away from me?"

*That's it* 

Wishing for more hours in the day so I could watch this movie again,

PS - Thanks for the commiserating in my safety dance rant. I'm still in search of solution, in the meantime my shoulders look great in my ears.

PPS - Thanks for reading you guys. In my quick little reference here about what the 'Big Life Decision' is, it's so nice to not feel so alone in the struggle. This blog (and the lovely comments) give me a really lovely feeling of camaraderie and safety. It's an illusion clearly, but I look forward to coming here and also following you back to read what you're doing. It's fun up here in cyber mommy space. Xo!