Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Motherhood - Take One

So yea. I'm a mom now, it's still even creepy to say that out loud, ok type it out loud.  Let's try it again. I'm a Mom.

Eeeps! I get a little squeamish. Even though I'm 3.5 months into this new gig, I'm not in total ownership and I think it's (no offense) due in large part to the other Mommy's that I meet.

It's like anything that comes on too strong. Like flavored liquor or even the most expensive perfume, too much of a great thing is still waay too much. And Motherhood seems to bring that out in women - the desperate over-achieving passive-agressive wackadoo hovering person who was not so long ago, reasonable.

For example...
1) Do we have to talk in a voice that's 14 octaves above hearing range? My dog thinks it's neat but my ears are bleeding. This is referred to in one of the 45 parenting books that I obsessively skim on a daily basis as 'parentese' and sadly, this voice is encouraged.

2) Can we PLEASE talk about something else? Let's be clear, I am saying this to myself as well - but the discussions about cracked and elongated nipples and sleepee sleepy-by schedules and the milestones like how amazing little baby is because she looked in the same direction for 14 seconds in a row is so booring. Boring. I mean I get it, but ohmygod, let's find a new topic. Like what happened in the last half of the 30 Rock season? I dearly and desperately miss Liz Lemon.

* I'm going to take a quick break from this mean spirited sounding list to qualify myself as a much nicer person. K. Well, since I need to say that I guess you can believe what you want.

3) How about we forgo the comparisons? "How old is he? And HOW much does he weigh? Wow, you've got a big one there..." 'Cause I don't know the percentile and I don't care. Or I'll pretend I don't anyway. "Does he hold his head up yet? Oh gosh that's too bad you know my little sugarface has been holding her head up since she was born...He'll get around to it."

4) And no NO. Nope, he's not sleeping through the night. He's not even 4 months old! (Dear Jesus... I don't talk to you much but if I could just stop by and ask you to please help me through this - that would be great....thanks ever so, amen)

I guess you can say I'm a procrastinator since I've waited until my 38th year to join this club, and you'd be right. I'm a procrastinator. And it didn't really seem to bother me 'cause I was busy building my career as a Director of things. Commercials, short films, webisodes, corporate blah blah videos, whatever can be written/directed and sometimes edited for money - I'm your gal. Or was, wait -still is! It's a confusing time when identity is on the line.

And I guess that's what hurts and why I rail against the monologues of the Mommy set. Who am I now? Am I still one of the relatively rare directors with boobs (only now they produce massive amounts of milk)? How is that I used to be able to run a whole set filled with big guys and their big gear and this little tiny guy can take me out with a few short screams?

When I was pregnant, I had such swagger. I said, Aw - it will be easy. Of course I'll still work, anytime you want. I know it's a full time job, hahhaha, of course I did. Ok People magazine, here's my confession that you won't care about to print. I didn't know. I really, really, really didn't know what I was getting myself into. It's impressive how not knowing I was of what we speak. How is that such a smartee pants director lady who has had her own production company for ten years and done stuff and more stuff could enter this new phase of life so cluelessly? Well, she did.

But I must say, I do love him. He's a big-headed beauty.
 Please to enjoy a picture from the second week of his life.


  1. Awwww, Jane, Jane, Jane. I'm so happy we met and I can't wait for you to feel the love from new moms that "get it."

    I will see you post Chicago and hold that little man. He is so damn cute even if you don't know that yet.

  2. Here's the way I look at it: I don't like 99.99 percent of people anyway. The problem I find is, now these women have a reason to talk to you. An opening if you will: you both have kids. Before you could walk by them on the street and only get a nod. I liked it that way.

    I love your blog already! Congrats on the baby. You will have a new lease on life when he sleeps through the night. HAS HE DONE THAT YET??? I kid.

  3. Love your style and honesty. :) (and I type that with an alto as opposed to a soprano range...)

    Stef recommended a visit, am glad I did. Will be back to read more of your wittily headed writing and to see more of your beautifully big headed baby.

    Welcome to Blog-dom. Glad you're here.

  4. Welcome to Motherhood! Looks like I'll be learning right along with you. My little guy is 4 mons today! I look forward to following your journey!

  5. Hi there! I was also completely unprepared for what was ahead of me with the whole "mom" thing. Hell, I still don't get it most of the time. Thanks for a great read. Keep 'em coming!

  6. My twins are 2 months old. I'm already thinking I need to start therapy savings accounts for each of them because every time I read one of those books, I'm convinced they'll need therapy money more than college money.

    I look forward to reading more of your blog!

  7. wowweee, thanks awesome ladies of the blogland - so nice to meet y'all!

    and Thanks so much for the link Stefanie! Lil baby BH drools in anticipation of your return. :)

  8. Congrats! That lil one is beautiful. I, too, had a bit of an identity crisis when I had my son (I'm a director, too, but in a small, private high school on Long Island with a bunch of kids who don't have much in the talent department)...and people were surprised when I held auditions for the fall play as soon as I could get down the stairs after my C-section. However, the "show-must-go-on" mentality has slowly melded into a nice balance.
    However, now I'm on to potty training, and I will not even go into that!!
    'Tis a good time!

  9. I can relate! Some advice... steer clear of those mommy/baby groups. I went when my son was first born because I didn't know any better. I would leave there bored to tears and feeling inadequate because I didn't make my own baby food. I started hanging out in bars instead.

  10. I love your blog Janie girl. One of the most difficult parts of parenting is that it can be incredibly isolating. THere is just not a lot of support out there for moms. we need more truth sayers out there. thanks for being one. I look forward to hearing your daily thoughts. love you cous Lisa

  11. Heya,
    I found you through the Followers thing... I know it's belated, but welcome to the other side! :)

    It took awhile but I eventually just had to ignore all those people who rubbed me the wrong way. I was way to raw in my new-skin to put up with people that set off alarms inside me.

    I had to get really quiet inside myself in order to sift through all sh*t and find what I really wanted and needed.

    Hopefully you'll find it -- whatever you want and need -- and have some interesting conversations, with yourself and others, along the way.